What is Love?

BABY DON'T HURT ME
DON'T HURT ME
NO MORE!

OK, no.
Although I know you sang it in your head.

----

I write this after a creative drought that lasted more than two years to date.

Today I write about Love because it happens to be the birthday of the one I love, and it is a small gift to her on her 30th year as I am evolving and growing, in love, with Amanda.

Love sure is patient and kind and all the rest of this beautiful verse which I believe in.

But, really now, what is Love?
What is this thing that is not a thing and that we cannot really explain?
What is Love for me as I near 35?

I surely have no decisive answers, but I believe that Love is in the smallest details that develop in every relationship. It touches the persons involved & changes them for the better (when they are willing) as time passes.

I am going to convey my current perception of Love using 30 sentences (Amanda inspired this idea):

1. Love is to take 3 seconds to think before reacting spontaneously to anything that might have offended, hurt, infuriated or bothered you coming from her.
2. Love is asking her if she wants to drink water every once in a while.
3. Love is to worry about her until she gets to her destination.
4. Love is to go to social gatherings of any kind to make her happy above all else even if you don't feel like it.
5. Love is to try your best every day to be the best version of yourself for her, and although you may fail miserably at times, you keep on trying, daily.
6. Love is to forget your individual self a bit, learn how to think, dream & even act in tandem.
7. Love is to sit there watching her sleep and just smiling.
8. Love is to wander with her to any destination and know that it is fulfilling your soul.
9. Love is to be able to see the future together, imagining how you would make it worthwhile.
10. Love is to lift her spirits up even when you are at your worst.
11. Love is to be there for her with all your being, even when you find nothing of her actions, sayings or thoughts to be logical.
12. Love is to meet her all the way through whenever she is afraid of crossing to where you are.
13. Love is to dream together without speaking.
14. Love is to see that twinkle in her eye.
15. Love is to discover a new detail in her smile every time you look at her.
16. Love is to feel on top of the world for making her laugh her heart out.
17. Love is to endure the "abstract" phases without negativity.
18. Love is to be silent when you really want to shout.
19. Love is to embrace your differences of any kind in a positive manner.
20. Love is to know what she is thinking without her saying a word.
21. Love is to make small sacrifices without complaints.
22. Love is to constantly tell her that you love her.
23. Love is to pour your heart into the smallest action you do for her.
24. Love is to listen to and not just hear what she is saying.
25. Love is to play together like kids.
26. Love is to never judge her, for anything.
27. Love is to be present in every moment you share.
28. Love is to accept that she is better than you in many things.
29. Love is to feel and witness your growth on many levels with her by your side.
30. Love has a new meaning with you, Amanda & I am grateful to have you in my life.

Emptiness

There's a sweetness to the pain I feel upon seeing the face of someone I loved.
A pain emanating from the depths of my heart.

I have hurt several people I loved and who loved me in return.

Each of them is a sweet memory, each is a fragment forever embedded in my heart.

Some fragments are bigger than others,

but emptiness is still king...

I am open for leasing... anyone?

Ellipsis

The epitome of Love is loving although you are not loved in return.

You try to see things from the other perspective, you grasp it, you understand it, you respect it, but them again your perspective reigns:

it's not every day that you find what we found together that's why it is worth to build upon it and break all past perspectives, it's worth the plunge.

Maybe I am right and this is the path to follow but no matter what I do, an essential part I learned in loving you –learnt the hard way– is letting you be.

The last time I saw you was a rather disturbing experience that created a series of infinite questions that still resonate in my soul:

is she still the same?

will we ever be together?

why did it all happen anyway?

is she in love with someone else?

should I just let her be, just like that?

what if I never find someone who completed me like she did?

was it all an illusion?

have I just fucked up another time?

did I scare her away?

are these "messages" to me or someone else?

will she find comfort elsewhere?

...

You shove all this to the back of the farthest spot in your head.

You "move on" by trying to forget, or at least by making the time pass.

You meet people, you "experiment", you feel bad, you feel sad, you feel blessed, you can't stop thinking about the farthest spot at the back of your head, you surrender to her face, one that lit when she was with you, one that brightens your blackest days.

You live, to a certain extent.

...

Then, one day, you see that her hand holds another's.

It may be your hand, eternalized in a furtive shot taken in the past.

But you are somehow sure it is not.

Are you?

You're lost.
A box that you wanted buried in your deepest depths opens:

You thought you would be OK with her finding peace and comfort anywhere, with anyone, even if that meant not with you.

But you are so far from being OK and the thought of it just rips you from the inside.

...

I am an ellipsis of what could have been,

I am an ellipsis of Love I hold for you,

I am an ellipsis of dreams with you,

I ...