Knives that cut

There are times when I wish I can just unleash that beast in me and give way to a surreal killing machine that eradicates scum off the face of this earth, then I realize that by doing so I would be degrading myself to the level of scum that think they are gods.


I had the chance to visit a renowned nightclub in Beirut yesterday night, it was the first time I go into one of those flashy-pump-it-up-fake-away-venues and two of my doubts have been proven:

1. "Maybe it's because I am different in some ways that's why I can't have fun in these places"
Now I am sure that I do not fit in and I don't want to ever fit in these decadent gatherings of hollow and fake wannabe men and women. I judge on experience here, for what I experienced was intense from the moment I stepped into the venue: it's like cancer but it's in the looks, attitude, reflexes, gestures...
While I tried all evening to have fun with my friends and not give a damn about what's happening around, I felt that cancer all around: it's a young demented (the bad demented) people that's in the making and the worst is yet to come.
I am also sure that I can have fun wherever I may be, for I am what I am, naturally: authentic, genuine and unique. And I know that there are lots of people out there who are too, so I am hopeful for a cure for the cancer.

2. "I am not sure I can write/talk about the people who love these places, after all they can do whatever they want to do"
Hell yeah I can when I feel that "cancer" I felt yesterday. I imagine these people like the nice knives you find at the tables of Arabic restaurants: they're bright, shiny, fancy, and make the table set look beautiful and complete, but do they cut?

We need knives that cut!

Knives that are sharp, that can cut off the decaying skins of successive rotten generations' fruits and get to their core goodness, that can slice smoothly and make things happen, not just sit there, be beautiful, look fine with the fork and plate, and just nearly scrape the skin of anything good that might feed the body and soul of what we call our society.

No one obliged me to go to that place or any other like it.
Someone will tell me to fuck off and stay home if I do not like these places.
Everyone will just continue to do what they do and sit there, fake-it-all-away and just dance the night away, can't they?

No... not with what's at stake.
Now drink water -not that fake shitty vodka- while it lasts.



A beating heart engulfed by a complex structure floats in the ocean with a part of a plastic bottle suffocating it.
It needed to release some if its confined secrets and burdens in order to get rid of that alien body suffocating it.

"I can be an egocentric fool at the worst times and lose a lot for that."

"I'm tired of trying to be a warrior of Light in this darkness that is getting larger every day."
It felt good to release some of that pressure...

Then came the long sentence:
"Nothing seems fair in this ephemeral life and I believe that no matter how hard we try we will never be perfect or get near being or living perfect with all that shit that surrounds us and that grows more eccentric and varied each day leaving us in a state of inner and outer chaos and numbing our brains with sounds of fake promises and surreal dreams as our life passes and time consumes us with tender violence melting our stressed and suffering souls slowly."
That felt so good...

Then came the longer sentence:
"The irony of doing your best while wanting the best thinking you've finally got on track as you suddenly get rammed off track by the gentle loving smile that says no as it goes into another direction and as time passes a day a week a month and you're just laying there next to the track still trying to figure out what happened the thought that what goes around comes around passes and you feel the weight of your past experiences that rammed some persons' lives off their respective tracks sometime in the past crushing you to near suffocation before letting you go and leaving only the thought of that gentle face that is no more that might never be again and be left there asking what if while massive movement takes place in the corners of memories that will mutate with the years' passing by leaving only the essence of joy from stolen moments of the happy orchards that are sprinkled left and right on the long road of life and as you stand up again you feel older wiser more serene although a part of you got broken just like many parts in the past but you know that this is only another one of those essential parts of life that make your very existence unique."

The heart shrank a bit loosening up the alien body suffocating it.
As it wriggled to set itself free, the heart released a final sentence that would set it free to roam the ocean without suffocating:
"I know now that your presence breathed a new life in me and I feel hollow without it just like a nutshell without its nutte."

The plastic part slides away from the heart that has a whole ocean to roam in even with its missing parts.
There was surrender.
There was pain.
There was hope.
Then, silence.


Waynak Poster

Waynak / 50x70 cm / Limited Edition Screen-print / Available for sale through Fiballouta


My angel

Yes you... who else could it be Mother?

With me she became mother, in her womb I grew for 9 months and I'm still growing ever since with her support, love, encouragement, blessing and understanding for 29 years now.

Since my early childhood I remember her smiling face and her comforting presence. Never did she lessen of her tenderness, love, care and protection throughout the years even with us being 3 brats and me being the eldest.

She learned to be a real "Boys-Mother" (إمّ الصبيان) the hard way with every passing day and this began when she married my father who helped her become more confident of herself, more focused and just a tiny bit tougher than the "city-girl" she once was.

Her sensitive soul is reflected in the smallest chores she does, not to mention her artistry with words making her a unique poet and her innate talent of making food literally "happen" out of pretty much nothing and in just minutes when she already had a long day at work!

I remember the times of war which were -strangely- happy times to me and my brother Mirab. They were so because of mum and dad's continuous daily survival to keep us out of any material/emotional insufficiency thus preserving a pure aspect to our troubled childhood.
I remember summer time when we used to go out to play in the neighboring "forest" starting 7 am and her voice calling us to come to lunch then her voice in another tone calling us to come home at 8pm "...OR ELSE!"
I remember her eagerness to buy us new clothes for traditional holidays and occasions, clothes that were, for the biggest part of my childhood, too bright and happy to me or my brothers' liking.

I think about her sacrifices as a young educated & willing woman who put her dreams on hold for a while to make sure her kids were growing into the men she wants them to be before she resumes where she stopped, goes to a graduate school for 5 years, learns how to use a mac computer and an advanced layout program, gets her doctorate heavy with literature and Art and gets it published then starts teaching at two universities. All this knowing that she takes good care of her household, her family and her friends with joy and affection.

I like it when my brothers and I tease her just to see how she will spontaneously react.
Her comforting words and care are always soothing even when I don't want to admit my weakness and need for her support.
I feel her presence through her continuous prayers for me whenever I leave home where I try and do my best to make her among others proud of me.

I wish you good health and joy, you're my angel on this earth mother and I love you.


Bonum facere, sentit se bonum

Where on earth are we heading?
How is it that the wicked rule our world and make things their way?
I have a strong faith -other than my personal religious beliefs- in goodness, but there are days when the gloom takes over my head and confines me in a little box of helplessness.
Recently, I'm fighting this in order to make things happen.
What's the worst that could happen when I'm armed with goodness?
This tee says it best:

Do your own thing...
Do good, it feels good.
Now drink water... while it lasts.


Inertia or Life?

I find that there's a special lyricism to inert objects, one that is becoming harder to find in people.

The bleached wall of a hundred-year-old house, overlooking a lush garden revealing a rusting tin can half-sunken in a pile of decaying leaves under a massive oak tree in which sits a creaking tree-house held by nails that have become part of the tree's sap.

A pipe that sits at 4m in the air in front of an old house and that was once linked to a bathroom that now vanished.

That car from the 50's that doesn't belong to anyone and has become part of the scenery while also being home to small rodents and birds.

A tire sitting on the edge of a beach in which small plants have grown protected by the alien form.
The list is so long...

What has become of people who lost uniqueness, who transformed into cheap reproductions wearing the same clothes, eating the same food, conforming to the same trends, who became sheep of the same herd?

Is it sad that sometimes I find peace looking at inert objects/organisms and imagining what they may have "witnessed"?

Fakery suffocates me, it's everywhere.

Fight fakery,
be your true self,
appreciate inertia around you
& drink water while it lasts.

Selected photos - © Samah El Hakim - 2005


You Cannot

 "Niaak" |  © Samah El Hakim 2011

You cannot remain indifferent & be irresponsible facing all the atrocities that happen in our world daily:
  1. You cannot throw half of your 20$-worth-platter when millions are starving and specifically someone in your neighborhood.
  2. You cannot throw a can/paper/trash bag and leave it on the ground because you are in a hurry and missed the trash bin.
  3. You cannot open the water tap for 5mns while brushing your teeth while millions have no access to drinking water / or have no teeth left for that matter.
  4. You cannot buy more than you need, spend more than you earn or throw more than you give.
  5. You cannot retreat to your safety bubble and think it will last forever, because it surely won't my friend.
I say "cannot" knowing that we are doing all of the above and more.
I surely am a long way from being the illuminated & the ultimate savior of the planet, I just write, am conscious of what is happening around me on all sides and feel responsible while trying to act no matter how insignificant any action I do might seem relatively to the vastness of the world.

What if, just imagine with me, every one of us does insignificant actions on a daily basis?
I say it will all build-up into something significant following this simple example:

(1 insignificant 10 kg monthly plastic collection
 + taken to the recycling plant)
100 households (as insignificant as my action)
1000Kg of plastic waste going to recycling


It doesn't cost to be involved, to engage, to act, to live, to feel the wind on your face and the people around you, to have compassion, to be responsible and to be conscious.

It would be sad to have another species write one day: "... and due to their indifference and lack of responsibility, the humans got extinct."

The Earth is ours, the solution is us and the worse is yet to come.

Drink water... while it lasts.


A Thought About Pain

No matter how short our lives can be, pain is always there.

It's not a negative-vibe-post I am trying to conceive here, it's a projection of what's inside my head right now: an infuriating pain of knowing that I am most of the time helpless facing all the pain I see around, whether it inflicts me or not.

There's the physical pain, the moral pain, the psychological pain, the plain pain, the sexy pain, the made-up pain, etc...

You think the ultimate pain is hitting your left thumb with a hammer only to discover that breaking it is much more painful.

You think breaking-up with "the one" is painful only to find that losing a loved one in a silly accident a million times harder.

Then you think that witnessing the death of millions of people for food shortage is painful and makes you feel helpless, until you know that thousands of tons of food are being destroyed in order to maintain a proper market price...


It's been a while now I've been observing people around me:
we've become a self-centered-ego-maniac-driven humanity.

What Hesperides said might be true:
"No pains, no gains.
If little labor, little are our gains:
Man's fortunes are according to his pains."

However, my dear Hesperides, if you were living in our world today, I can only imagine what you might have said about gain & pain...

What future awaits us, I do not know, what I know is that the worst pain is inflicted by humans -to any other living creature- when they lose their humanity, no matter how insignificant they think the act/word/thought/idea is.

Drink water.

"Rage" |  © Samah El Hakim 2011


An Advice

"An Advice"
© Samah El Hakim 2011
Please feel free to download & share.


Mother Earth

Last Saturday I planted a tree.
A pine tree it was, around 12 years old.
As I was preparing the piece where it would be planted,
I felt a strong connection with Mother Earth.

This small act of 20 minutes while thinking about how this tree would grow in its new place and finally "breathe", when it's been imprisoned for 12 years in a small flowerpot, gave me so much satisfaction.

Once finished, images of destruction came to my mind.


Nature is a beast sometimes, it's true,
but Man is even more savage:

How easy it is to cut down an 80-year-old tree
"because its falling leaves are littering our backyard".

How simple it is to raid a forest using a bulldozer
"to clear the view".

How fast we can pollute a nearby river
"to keep our house/factory clean".

How can we ever regain what we destroyed?
We can't...

All the beautiful mountains that we transformed into ugly buildings.
All the water that we polluted.
All the forests "evaporated".
All the extinct species.
All of us.

This is far from being an alarm, it's more of a cry
during my "semi-mourning" for our dear Mother Earth.

We are slowly dying with Her.
For any possible resurrection, believing is not enough.
Start acting.

"Forgive Us"
© Samah El Hakim 2011
Please feel free to download & share.